7 days to go .... mixed emotions ..........

2015/Blog 3: Monday May 4.

I hope that the last blog didn’t cause you to say, “oh here we go again, its Zen now” I have no intention of being a Zen Buddhist but there is strong connection between Secular Humanism (better word and philosophy than Atheist) and  Secular Buddhism and I simply wish to borrow a structure as a foundation on which to achieve my goals.   No need to re-invent the wheel on top of everything else. 

And my flirtation with the Religious life as both Catholic-Anglican and an Orthodox Christian did include structure, which I found beneficial.   Just as Asceticism and the concept of “Simple Living” have strong corollaries: just as well as this is all being done on around €600 per month! And as my entire days potentially could be free-time without structure this could be a recipe for disaster.  So an ordered day is the order of the day.

Lunch with Nick's parents and younger brother - May 2  lovely Cabrito!

Some 5 – 6 years ago, I decided to examine my past and I drew up a list of around 150 auto-biographical events that came to mind as “significant”, they came randomly and I simply listed them and then ordered them.  I decided to start writing and wrote a little about 2 or 3 of them.  I sent what I had written to a my dear friend James (who sadly passed away in 2013), he wrote me back saying that if only he knew some of what I had written when we were closer it would have made a very significant change our relationship and he was very sad and moved by what he had read.  I re-read myself what I had written in the light of his comments and decided that if that was how things were from this  small start, the whole project would be too “costly” to me and the book was closed, the files destroyed and the key hidden safely away.  But, things were not dealt with, “best to let sleeping dogs lie,” but as I have written the time to find the key is now….  The sleeping dog has awoken and is scratching at annoying fleas!

I shall keeping a note book with me 24/7 to jot down thoughts that come to mind in answer to the general question of what has shaped me to-date. But the writing will not start until, I have built a safe environment for myself with my “Zen like” routine and support network (you guys) then I will plan this.   Maybe it all seems a bit dramatic or even melodramatic, selfish, egotistical, I don´t know and I am not sure that I care. I just know the time is now and it has to be done. And I am doing it for me, as an act of love (somewhat difficult in itself).

I have a wonderful book on writing given to me by a long lost friend and fellow psychotherapist, Dr. Roy Bailey, we did our training together and had our little clinic in London together.  He inscribed the book – “Wild Mind; living the writer’s life” - with the Zen proverb “find the wild tiger, free the wild tiger, ride the wild tiger.    With affection to one with the mind of a wild tiger.” (Birmingham 1992)  It is truly creative and written by a person who is both a significant teacher and also Zen master and shows how to incorporate the whole writing experience into a routined and ordered lifestyle. So after 23 years this book and one of the very few I have kept has found its use; it has been patiently waiting. It is autobiographical and also contains some 40 creative exercises.  It will help me unleash, tame and ride the wild tiger within. Or maybe the wild tiger is actually lovely pussy cat!

I am anxious and exhilarated by what I am about to do, it feels significant, it makes my heart race (I hope in a good way) my pulse goes up even as I write this. Another reason to have the protection of some Zen practices to guard and protect me.

Several people have written to ask what happened to bring me to this point well:

1.    The administrative easy answer is that” migraciones” were not happy to renew my visa as a self-sufficient volunteer did not fit into one of the four categories for a residential visa (carnet de extranjeria) :  1. A worker with a salary: I left my teaching post at the American School last May soon after getting my original “carnet de extranjeria” 2. An entrepreneur, willing to invest $30,000 US and employ 5 people within 2 years  3.  A retired person on a pension of at least $1000 US per month plus medical and other insurances  (not able to work in Perú) and 4. A religious person (music does not count as a religion, apparently).

  

     2. The difficult personal answer all the stuff about how personal aspects of my personality hinder the fostering of long term relationships, of which much more later.

Renouncing my residence visa has been almost as difficult as getting it in the first place, as I cannot simply leave the country but need various permissions and the necessary certification in passport.  But everything is on track for final processing to commence on Monday.  Nick has had to guarantee that I am a moral and law abiding citizen and that I am not leaving with debts or owing taxes, we go the Notary to swear all this tomorrow.  Just back from Migraciones and my documents will be ready on Wednesday, and the 11th (the day I leave) was the last day I could have officially stayed in Peru (without paid employment)!   Phewy!

Nick and I are packing up the flat, he is moving back to his parent´s house and storing all our furniture there as well. And I am downsizing to ensure that I leave Perú for now just as I arrived with two bags and a ruck sack. Too be fair I don´t find that difficult and should be well within my 50kg allowance.

Not a sad goodbye but a light "see you later"

Last Friday I put the following announcement on Facebook (in Spanish) and have been humbled by the lovely words that people have responded with.

“For administrative reasons I am very sad to announce that I shall be leaving Trujillo and moving back to Europe for an extended sabbatical on Sunday, May 10.

Sadly continuing to teach here at the conservatoire was proving increasingly difficult in terms of extending my “carnet de extranjería” from “migraciones.” Working self-sufficiently in a voluntary capacity for more than 1 year is not considered as a valid reason to be in Perú. So I have taken this as a signal to move on and develop challenges and opportunities elsewhere.

I would like to thank my hard working and dedicated students for all their effort and hope that you will continue to strive for the highest possible standards of musical execution and interpretation. I have enjoyed teaching you, and working with you, more than you can imagine, I think of you as my friends as well as students.

I am also grateful for the kindness and generosity shown me by friends in Trujillo and colleagues at the conservatoire.

I am moving to rural Spain, where I have plans to study, to write and to engage in a period of self-development.  I do not think a return to Perú later this year is possible but hope that a suitable opportunity to visit will present itself in 2016.”

Bittersweet contentment …..  The excitement and energy I feel about my transition to Spain is of course tempered by not being with my dear Nick. We got to know each other on-line whilst I was in India back in 2012 and except for my trips back to UK and his business trips have seen each other every day since October 22, 2012.  And have lived together since November 2013, but now we are to be apart but with a commitment to meet up mid-December in Europe (UK and/or Spain).  Nick is going to concentrate on his burgeoning career as an international sales executive and I wish him every success at that.  He has been (and is) such an important part of my life and his love and dedication to me has been a most amazing thing to experience. It will all seem very strange that he won´t be there, but also my being on this new adventure is part of why he is not and cannot be there at the moment.

Things could have been very different had the position with the orchestra been available and had the conservatoire been able to provide me with a job, but it wasn’t and they couldn’t. But I travel on, hopefully, as ever.

I found this picture with my future abode in it on the hillside in the shadow of the parish church of St Mary Magdalen and by the way the pronunciation of Cehegín is “ce {as in cent}-ah-heen.”