Reflections on the road ....... being KNOWmadic.

 (the fotos this week are unrelated to my words but to me are inspirational inasmuch as they show some creativity being released in the children ....  we had such fun!)

You may have noticed that my blog now features a few verses from Walt Whitman’s poem 

"The Open Road" 

Did he write it for me? 

It certainly speaks very deeply to me, now, on my adventure.

The recognition that Vagabonding, Nomad-ing, being Knowmadic is not an escape but a means to confront, accept and set-aside the old ghosts …

Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,

I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,

I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,

I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.

One gift of this Knowmadic life, is that of time, time to think, time to do and time to simply “be”, to learn from others or to simply absorb and wait and see how these new ideas work their transforming energy.

From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,

Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,

Listening to others, considering well what they say,

Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,

Gently,  but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space,

The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

This year in Guatemala is I feel simply an overture, an hors d'oeuvres, an appetizer for the myriad of possibilities that await me.  Some call out to me pick-me, pick-me others lay quiet in expectation that I will one day find the key and unlock the secret of their learning.

I am larger, better than I thought,

I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,

I can repeat over to men and women

You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,

I will recruit for myself and you as I go,

I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,

I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,

Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,

Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.

I meet with other volunteers, with guys I meet via the Internet,  people in the park, (usually) all younger than me, all on their own journeys, their own stories, searching or busily doing, busy, busy “being” and am aware of the Proverbial quote about the “wisdom of grey hairs” (Bible: Proverbs Chap 16) although at present I am salt and pepper the grey increases and I like it! People listen to me as I tell my tales of travel and taking responsibility, of cutting myself loose from my family and being more and more like Kipling’s “cat that walked by himself” (see footnote) ultimately answerable only to myself. There seems to be such a desire for knowledge/wisdom from the young - who seem less and less to discover it between the pages of books, and through talking!  With the art of conversation forever replaced by  " txt msgs"..... when real converstion is possible sadly the young seem to find it "awesome" [ is it so rare these days to listen and be listened to?] .. .. and I don't mean to be in the least patronising.
For me, food and converstion sustains body and mind!  I have no wisdom, only my experience, no magic, only encouragement.

Here is the test of wisdom,

Wisdom is not finally tested in schools,

Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it to another not having it,

Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,

Applies to all stages and objects and qualities and is content,

Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;

Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the soul.

I tell them of my fears and concerns, of being like “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”  (see footnote) and one day simply jumping of the cliff and flying…….. but also, (and maybe I play down this bit) of those long dark nights of the soul when the ghosts of the past try to spoil the party, after all every feast must have its spectre! (or must it?) 

Of course all this is still shiny and new to me, and maybe, over time, my need to have a plan will fade and I can simple go with the flow more, and seek structure less.  I am free, yet, I have dates in my diary for 2014! Will it matter if I make the Baroque Music Festival in the Bolivian Amazon jungle in 2014, 2016 or 2018 or maybe I will just happen upon it one day!  Maybe, better to make my own music, in my heart or with a group of Indigenous children in the high Andes! ……..  Who knows?

Forever alive, forever forward,

Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,

Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,

They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go,

But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.

I am curious to see for myself how all this will pan out, I know I have so much to explore, so many as yet unimaginable experiences to have, and much to jettison and much to learn. It all sounds so “lofty” so ”admirable” but to me it is simply an exploration a search for meaning of all that has gone before – and really my hope is that I stop searching and start being. 

Mankind has always searched for meaning, and the day I became an atheist was the day I realised in my heart that the joke was that their was no meaning only being. And yet the struggle “to be” and not to “search” is surely the path “the open road” to a true and personal "enlightenment."

All parts away for the progress of souls,

All religion, all solid things, arts, governments—all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of souls along the grand roads of the universe.

Camerado, I give you my hand!

I give you my love more precious than money,

I give you myself before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Despite the distance, friendships remain, (and grow), my faith in the goodness of people grows, (sadly more with the “have-nots”  than with the “haves”) we are all on a journey and we all have our roads to travel, I am at least trying to stop and admire the view as I travel, philosophically and in reality ........

"I believe myself to be greatly blessed by Mother Earth to have this opportunity and I hope with all my heart  that I will learn to use it in the most fitting way ….."

and so,
to end,
the opening of stanza of  "the Open Road" ...

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,

Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,

Strong and content I travel the open road. 

Footnote (hohoho!):

1. If you enjoy this blog, please encourage others to read it, join as members and to post comments , I want it to be more interactive over time. Since I started this blog it has enjoyed over 2000 viewings, including in USA, UK, Latin America, Spain, Holland, India and Russia!
   
   
2. I feel that a book I gestating within these words and within me, maybe a couple more years on the road and then …….   I had started to write a straightforward autobiography but found it too painful in places ……  but may be now as I travel I am laying many of those old ghosts to rest.  And this blog helps!
   
   
3. Johnathan Livingstone Seagull - see here  with full text available here
   
4. The Cat that walked by Himself - see here with full text available  here
   
5. Full text of Whitman Poem - here

Mr W Whitman!   Better get my beard going!  And of course, he was (probably) one of the very first "gay pioneers" ... a beacon and an icon.  Thank you Walt!  

More about Whitman as a gay icon here

OK, that's all folks!

Hasta la proxima semana!

Estoy en terapia .........

Bonus video! .... Child Street Musicians!   But I rather suspect that these children have never seen the inside of a classroom :-(

It’s been a gentle week, not done much, trying still to get over a cold that refuses to go away, the “land of the eternal spring” needs to be renamed the land of the continuously changing weather!  To me the weather has been the same since last November, a constant mix of sun, clouds and rain, and micro variations in different towns and villages around Antigua. Last Thursday I was in Santiago Zamora and we had a deluge the small streets turned into rivers and it was cold and thoroughly miserable, 15 minutes and 5 kms later blazing sunshine and not a sign of rain.  You can actually stand and watch rain clouds drift up the valley and when they get stuck by the surrounding hills they discharge their cargo and dissipate!

So British to be moaning about the weather.

This week I also started my financial planning in earnest for year two of my adventure. Given that my last birthday marked the start of my pension 24 August is now officially the anniversary of “Knowmadic Mike’s” big adventure! I will take a little time out with Martin and Jean to reflect on year one, and the anniversary will be celebrated!   Year two is pretty much formed in my mind and my budget turns out to be £18.21 per day for everything including nearly £2K in airfares this is around £6,450 for the year!!!!! Which is why (happily) the volunteering route is vital to survival, as it provides cheap, safe accommodation, sometimes food and most importantly opens the door to really getting to know a community or group of people.

I am already very excited about the opportunity in Peru and my 5 weeks in Calcutta (now Kolkata) (with the Calcutta Chamber Orchestra) will be an excellent return to the world of music: performing, teaching and conducting. The Peru project is for six months and in a Conservatoire.

One thing I am aware of, is that there are not so many volunteers around of my age, I am generally spending my time with young adults from 18 – 28 and often feel like I am called on to be a “sage” - though I do find myself saying – oh for God’s sake I sound like a (your) father – whilst I actively try not to be “older and wiser” I am also  surprised? honoured?  embarrassed? and a bit humbled to be consulted on life in general.   And I do stress that I am not the best role model as my life has been anything but ordinary, or straightforward.

It does however cause me to think that more people of my age should come and volunteer (maybe for 6 months) – rent out the house in the UK and come and share their skills and experience with people who are keen to have the help and the interaction.   And they could learn a language at the same time.   A real positive “giving something back” project for “3^rd agers” …….

I don’t shout my sexuality from the rooftop, neither if asked would I deny it, and am happy to “come out” to people as and when appropriate.  And I am not ashamed to say I use various websites available for finding like minded guys!  Whatever one may think of these types of “social networking sites”  in countries where there is no sexual or gay liberation to speak of, for those privileged enough to be able to access the internet these sites do at least provide a means of contact.   And I remember back in the 1970's whne via "Gay News" and classified adverts it could take three weeks to meet a prospective friend!   So here's to technology!   :-)

And I have met some great guys this way, here, increasingly I am chatting to guys definitely young enough to be my son and that my carefully worded “profile”  says let’s be friends first and the “con derechos” (with rights/benefits) bit may or may not come later.  I do, however, feel I am back to the early 1990’s when I was one of the first “ psychotherapists for gay men in the UK” with a clinic in New Row, Covent Garden [was able to use a nice play on words with “NewRow/Neuro”] ….. anyways I digress, so I often find I am listening to these guys as they come to terms with gay life in a conservative country, dominated by a moral code laid down by the RC Church, and suffering all the agonies of (probably) being “in the closet” but needing to be authentic and to be able to love themselves as a gay man. 

These encounters stretch my Spanish to it’s limits, but make me think back to how it was for me and how long that journey of self-acceptance took ,and I try to help a little bit by subtlety trying to use my “therapeutic skills” to boost their confidence and self esteem.   And I have to admit, I do feel good when these guys say, how nice it was to meet somebody who wasn’t (just) wanting to get “up close and personal” {my euphemism} ….. even, if I am honest with myself, sometimes, the “up close” … bit would definitely be fun!  And of course (more honesty here) I am happily amazed at the number of younger guys who really like the “hombre maduro” though not if they call me “papi” ……..   as that has all sorts of resonances which for me are so wrong!

Hmmmm, this blog is always a surprise to me, I never quite now what I am going to write about until I start pounding the keys of my now ancient Laptop.  ……

Maybe the seed for this week was planted by an exhibition of simple portrait photos on the theme of diversity in Guatemala currently on in the ground sof the “Cooperación Española” here in Antigua.  I am so taken by the amazing vibrabcy of traditional dress of the Mayan communities, especially that fact that the men are the real Peacocks at times.

I was in the City last Tuesday to extend my passport as it runs out on July 29 and I would be illegal for the period to August 14 when I return to UK.   Thankfully, the process was painless and within 1 hour all the formalities were completed and I could return in 1 week to collect the visa, all for the fee of £10.  I was pretty pleased with myself as I managed to find my way from the bus to the transurbano metro, find the correct stops and even find where to get the bus back to Antigua without incident, despite “the grave an dire warnings” on the British Embassy website warning in the strongest terms NOT to use public buses.  The return fares came to Q.20 (£1.80) had I followed the embassy advice and used taxis I would have spent close to Q.400!  Talk about there is nothing to fear but fear itself!  After my visit to “migración” I was eventually able to meet up with a new friend, and up and coming photographer, Eny (see previous posts) for more coffee and “Spanglish” chatting.

I so hope that in Trujillo there are less people around who speak any English, I am never going to get over this hurdle of fluency until the English option ceases to exist.

Great to see some individuality .... he is a real artist!

Yes, it's a kangaroo! Well done Vict

Finally, I add some pictures of part one of the puppet making with my lovely children at Santiago Zamora.

Volcan Fuego obliged with a discharge of volcanic ash!

Oooooooh!     Just looked out my bedroom window to see a hot air balloon in the field down the road …….. it is part of the “Telethon” a weekend of fundraising – like children in need in the UK -  this year the theme is disabled children and also the need for men to learn to love their children more (and take more responsibility for their upbringing [which is considered women’s work!])

I bought a "telethon" tee-shirt ……..    its says  I am in therapy.  To think about the others!

( I reckon I look pretty good in it to! jeje!)

Hasta proxima semana.

This 'n that

After all the fun of the Motorcycle Diaries, I wanted to also “yammer” on about things in general. And as I am now nursing a cold and a cough, also have the time.  I never used to suffer so much from colds and sneezes but here in Guatemala you can experience such a range of different climates in the same day that it is impossible not to sometimes be affected by the extreme changes.   I have the same reaction with air-conditioning moving from cold dry air to hot wet air.  For instance in Santiago Zamora which is just 10 kms from Antigua you go from the micro climate of Antigua; warm and sunny around 23°C to a wetter, colder climate with the surrounding hills nearly always covered in clouds, so it is wet and claggy (like a miserable November day in UK) – and then I return to blazing sunshine all within the space of a few hours.

On the road to Coban you go through the ”Biotropical Corridor” which is an area of forest that is almost always shrouded in clouds and also one of the few remaining areas where the almost extinct (in Guatemala) Quetzal bird is said to still live.  Coban seems to be almost always having chipi-chipi (drizzle).

From Coban to Chahal you go through the hills and suddenly you are in a climate that is hot and sticky at around 34-36°C.  It is this vast range of different environments that leads to the bio-diversity that makes Guatemala so attractive and beautiful. And of course this diversity extends to food, drink and local customs.

Out with the old ..

On with the new (ish)

Pensioned off my first pair of walking shoes – the soaking last Sunday really did for them and the smell …….  I had probably worn then every day for the last 8 months ……   I hasten to add there was no smell prior to the soaking!   But out with the old an on with the new – well the nearly new- got a great bargain in the market almost new pair of Nike trainers for a very reasonable Q.80.  This guy sells shoes probably left behind or lost by tourists,  very happy with the shoes for £7.20p  They will do me until I pick up my next end of season bargain in MJ Max prior to Peru. For India I need good strong sandals!  

I also need to revise my ideas re baggage. The backpack I bought turned out to be “cheap and nasty”  with the all important buckles made of plastic that simply broke under the slightest strain.   And I still have too much stuff!  I am slowly realising that there is a minimum amount of clothing that is necessary at that also this minimum is replaceable locally.  Otherwise I am simply carting clothes round the planet for no good reason!   I am thinking to buy a big bag that has straps for the occasional times when I need to carry it a short distance.    I think it will be a year or two yet before I simply take to the open road.  This life of moving from project to project suits as I have a purpose and things are relatively organised.  And it will only be after my more “extreme” experiences I have arranged in Ecuador that I will be in a position to know if I want to be truly nomadic (always wandering i.e. backpacking )rather than Knowmadic (long stays and project work).    But along with the bag I am out for a nice pair of shoes and a lovely shiny pair of walking poles!

Nice poles!  :-

Bought my return ticket today Birmingham - Cochin (Kerala) for a very reasonable £620 with Emirates.  Just need to get the internal flights from Cochin to Kolkata and I am all sorted, there is an Indian Easy Jet “Indigo” which does the round trip for just a little more than the train.

Today I have been making, estafado, beef stew, my version is a bit heavy on the spices, the sauce is a lovely reddish brown and has a nice smack of chilli.  Currently it I sin the fridge, it will taste good for Sunday lunch tomorrow.  Always amazed at the fact that a days rest for a stew improves the flavour no end.

Also been trying some different fruits lately, the Jungle/Forest Marshmallow  and a type of Custard apple that tastes just like crème caramel, the flesh even has the same smooth consistency. Yummy!  Actually it is called Chico Zapote here in Guatemala and is part of an extensive Zapote family of fruits. 

I quote …..

“The flavour of Chico Zapote is exceptionally sweet and very tasty, with what can be described as a malty flavour. The unripe fruit is hard to the touch and contains high amounts of saponin, which has astringent properties similar to tannin, drying out the mouth.

The Chico Zapote is a large ellipsoid berry, 4-8 cm in diameter, very much resembling a smooth-skinned potato and containing 2-5 seeds. Inside, its flesh ranges from a pale yellow to an earthy brown colour with a grainy texture akin to that of a well-ripened pear. The seeds are black and resemble beans, with a hook at one end that can catch in the throat if swallowed.”

Given that the seed is the size of large stone swallowing one would be a tough ask!

The Forest Marshmallow, is a tough seed pod containing from 4 -16 seeds which are covered in a white fur, can’t say the fur (which is the bit you eat) tastes of much, hint of vanilla maybe.  But they are different  and I am sure a ready source of some vitamin or other.  

The Maya are very respectful of fruit and nut trees (no, that’s not a Cadbury tree) and when clearing forest will always leave these trees so one often sees a field of Maize with a few odd trees dotted around, all will be food bearing trees.

Breaky!

Still maintaining my “Chapin” eating habits,  Beans, rice, cheese, eggs, bread for breakfast (I forgo the cream on the beans), a hearty lunch, and just a soup or coffee and biscuits in the evening.   The biscuits are shaped like leaves and surprise, surprise are called Hojitas (leaves). They are a perfect dunking biscuit, very dry and absorb a good quantity of coffee without breaking or disintegrating into you mug, the Guatemalan equivalent to Rich Tea!

Ojitas

Actually, between fruits and vegetables there exists a whole plethora of comestibles which have yet to grace even the refined selections of Mr Waitrose!  

It’s Sunday morning, spent an hour last night talking to a new volunteer who arrived at the house, Stephano from Italy (though studied in Spain) ~ great practicing my Spanish ~ as I watched him dink my beer he had purloined from the fridge! (I hope  {but am not sure} it will be replaced.   Have a friend over for lunch, now that I have an oven it’s the Estafado, Roast Potatoes (papas horneo) and Broccoli …… mmmmm.

2007 eruption of volcan Fuego!

And finally, since as I reported on Facebook “Woken today (Thursday) at 00:31 feeling the effect of the 5.7 strength EARTHQUAKE centered in El Salvadore but affecting much of southern Guatemala! Odd to wake up feeling the bed moving and the ground shaking! And I was only recently saying that there hadn't been much activity of late. .......

http://www.hewsweb.org/seismic/

I followed my post with the following comment  “The earthquake whilst in bed gives a whole new meaning to "did the earth move for you?" J    and Ara, Mexican now living in Madrid with Marco and her two daughters replied “Full latin experience!! Can't complain...”   You might think that Ara, I couldn’t possible comment!  J

Hasta Luego Amigos!

PS. No room to include these last posting!

Marvin's Grandfather - a face full of character!

The rather splendid fish soup made by Marvin's chef Estaban in Las Conchas -  the Crab proved too difficult for me in the end!   The taste of the soup however was fantastic.