Reflections on the road ....... being KNOWmadic.

 (the fotos this week are unrelated to my words but to me are inspirational inasmuch as they show some creativity being released in the children ....  we had such fun!)

You may have noticed that my blog now features a few verses from Walt Whitman’s poem 

"The Open Road" 

Did he write it for me? 

It certainly speaks very deeply to me, now, on my adventure.

The recognition that Vagabonding, Nomad-ing, being Knowmadic is not an escape but a means to confront, accept and set-aside the old ghosts …

Still here I carry my old delicious burdens,

I carry them, men and women, I carry them with me wherever I go,

I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them,

I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.

One gift of this Knowmadic life, is that of time, time to think, time to do and time to simply “be”, to learn from others or to simply absorb and wait and see how these new ideas work their transforming energy.

From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,

Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,

Listening to others, considering well what they say,

Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,

Gently,  but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space,

The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

This year in Guatemala is I feel simply an overture, an hors d'oeuvres, an appetizer for the myriad of possibilities that await me.  Some call out to me pick-me, pick-me others lay quiet in expectation that I will one day find the key and unlock the secret of their learning.

I am larger, better than I thought,

I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me,

I can repeat over to men and women

You have done such good to me I would do the same to you,

I will recruit for myself and you as I go,

I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,

I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,

Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me,

Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.

I meet with other volunteers, with guys I meet via the Internet,  people in the park, (usually) all younger than me, all on their own journeys, their own stories, searching or busily doing, busy, busy “being” and am aware of the Proverbial quote about the “wisdom of grey hairs” (Bible: Proverbs Chap 16) although at present I am salt and pepper the grey increases and I like it! People listen to me as I tell my tales of travel and taking responsibility, of cutting myself loose from my family and being more and more like Kipling’s “cat that walked by himself” (see footnote) ultimately answerable only to myself. There seems to be such a desire for knowledge/wisdom from the young - who seem less and less to discover it between the pages of books, and through talking!  With the art of conversation forever replaced by  " txt msgs"..... when real converstion is possible sadly the young seem to find it "awesome" [ is it so rare these days to listen and be listened to?] .. .. and I don't mean to be in the least patronising.
For me, food and converstion sustains body and mind!  I have no wisdom, only my experience, no magic, only encouragement.

Here is the test of wisdom,

Wisdom is not finally tested in schools,

Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it to another not having it,

Wisdom is of the soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,

Applies to all stages and objects and qualities and is content,

Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;

Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the soul.

I tell them of my fears and concerns, of being like “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”  (see footnote) and one day simply jumping of the cliff and flying…….. but also, (and maybe I play down this bit) of those long dark nights of the soul when the ghosts of the past try to spoil the party, after all every feast must have its spectre! (or must it?) 

Of course all this is still shiny and new to me, and maybe, over time, my need to have a plan will fade and I can simple go with the flow more, and seek structure less.  I am free, yet, I have dates in my diary for 2014! Will it matter if I make the Baroque Music Festival in the Bolivian Amazon jungle in 2014, 2016 or 2018 or maybe I will just happen upon it one day!  Maybe, better to make my own music, in my heart or with a group of Indigenous children in the high Andes! ……..  Who knows?

Forever alive, forever forward,

Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,

Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,

They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go,

But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.

I am curious to see for myself how all this will pan out, I know I have so much to explore, so many as yet unimaginable experiences to have, and much to jettison and much to learn. It all sounds so “lofty” so ”admirable” but to me it is simply an exploration a search for meaning of all that has gone before – and really my hope is that I stop searching and start being. 

Mankind has always searched for meaning, and the day I became an atheist was the day I realised in my heart that the joke was that their was no meaning only being. And yet the struggle “to be” and not to “search” is surely the path “the open road” to a true and personal "enlightenment."

All parts away for the progress of souls,

All religion, all solid things, arts, governments—all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of souls along the grand roads of the universe.

Camerado, I give you my hand!

I give you my love more precious than money,

I give you myself before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Despite the distance, friendships remain, (and grow), my faith in the goodness of people grows, (sadly more with the “have-nots”  than with the “haves”) we are all on a journey and we all have our roads to travel, I am at least trying to stop and admire the view as I travel, philosophically and in reality ........

"I believe myself to be greatly blessed by Mother Earth to have this opportunity and I hope with all my heart  that I will learn to use it in the most fitting way ….."

and so,
to end,
the opening of stanza of  "the Open Road" ...

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,

Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,

Strong and content I travel the open road. 

Footnote (hohoho!):

1. If you enjoy this blog, please encourage others to read it, join as members and to post comments , I want it to be more interactive over time. Since I started this blog it has enjoyed over 2000 viewings, including in USA, UK, Latin America, Spain, Holland, India and Russia!
   
   
2. I feel that a book I gestating within these words and within me, maybe a couple more years on the road and then …….   I had started to write a straightforward autobiography but found it too painful in places ……  but may be now as I travel I am laying many of those old ghosts to rest.  And this blog helps!
   
   
3. Johnathan Livingstone Seagull - see here  with full text available here
   
4. The Cat that walked by Himself - see here with full text available  here
   
5. Full text of Whitman Poem - here

Mr W Whitman!   Better get my beard going!  And of course, he was (probably) one of the very first "gay pioneers" ... a beacon and an icon.  Thank you Walt!  

More about Whitman as a gay icon here

OK, that's all folks!

Hasta la proxima semana!